...

This AND That: Because God Didn’t Call Me to Half a Life.

By a Black Woman Who Believes in Having It All — and Then Some

Let’s Talk Games, Sis — The Ones We Played & The Ones We Got Played By

Growing up, I was that girl with big dreams and bigger imagination. We used to play that board game Life—you know the one, where you picked a cute little car, chose your salary, picked a spouse (hopefully fine), bought a house, and tried to secure the bag while cruising through “adulthood.”

And then there was MASH—a.k.a. the future-predicting paper game every Black girl in elementary school played at lunch. Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. Our preteen way of naming and claiming what we thought life should be: career, boo, kids, car, the works.

From early on, I had a vision: I wanted to be her—Shanté Smith! Vivica A. Fox in Two Can Play That Game. Yes Ma’am– Sassy, snatched, smart, and successful. Convertible Jaguar. Designer suits. Bossing up in boardrooms. And her man? A fine and successful black man. Whew.

Except in my remix, I was the lawyer. The boss chick with courtroom confidence and killer instincts.

The Moment That Shifted Everything

I had decided: law school or nothing. And lucky me, I had examples in my own family. One of my cousins—an accomplished attorney—let me intern at her firm in Florida. I was soaking it up, living the dream, watching the blueprint unfold right in front of me.

Then came lunch.

A group of attorneys invited me out. Picture it: Florida heat, a table full of power players, and me—young, eager, soaking it in, imagining the day that it’ll be my turn. One of the men pulled up in a new, black Escalade. He said he’d just made $60,000 THAT DAY. I nearly choked on my lemonade.

I told the table I wanted to pursue Corporate Law. The same man looked me dead in my face and asked:

“Do you want to get married?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you want kids?” 

“Of course.” 

“Then you don’t need to go to law school.”

Record Scratch. 

Excuse me, what? Did the man that just flexed on us with a $60k day just tell me to throw my whole dream away?

He proceeded to explain that he didn’t have time for a wife or kids. That his mama stayed mad 'cause she had no grandbabies. He said family life gets in the way of making money. And one by one, everyone at the table started singing the same sad song: success, but no family. Or a family that fell apart because of the grind. One sister said she had to throw money at extracurriculars just to feel like she was showing up as a mama because she was always working.

Then they looked at me and said, “If you do choose family, you’ll probably be one of the broke lawyers.”

Now see, broke was never in my plans.

The “This or That” Trap

See, I had already decided—thanks to MASH and rom-com dreams—that I needed to be married by 24 or 25. (Whew, the delusion.) I graduated college at 22 and felt the pressure clock ticking: love, babies, stability… but also, that boss chick I saw in Shanté.

And somehow, I absorbed the belief that I couldn’t have both.

So I chose family. I married a beautiful black man. I birthed 3 beautiful Black babies. I built a home full of love and laughter. But I quietly mourned the version of me I abandoned—the boss chick that I always wanted to be.

Do I regret choosing family? Never. But do I regret letting other people’s experience dictate my limitless potential? Absolutely.

But God… Gave Me a New Script

John 10:10 says,

“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.”

And baby, I choose abundance.

I no longer live under the tyranny of “this or that.” I’ve burned the box they tried to put me in. I believe in a God who’s not just a way-maker but a both-and God. A God who can fulfill the BIGGEST of dreams, the divine writer of custom-made, purpose-packed stories—and honey, mine includes all of it.

Here’s What I Know Now:

• I can be a present mama and a powerhouse at work.

• I can love my man and build a legacy.

• I can grind late and still show up for my babies.

• I can be Spirit-led and success-driven.

• I can walk in purpose and collect the bag.

Sis, Don’t Let Scarcity Lie to You

You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. You don’t have to choose between purpose and pleasure, calling and comfort, hustle and home.

Isaiah 40:29 says,

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

So even when the days are long and the demands are high, I’ve got supernatural stamina to do everything He’s called me to do—with excellence, with joy, with grace, and with grit.

A Final Word From the Girl Who Chose Both

I am no longer the girl playing MASH. I’m the woman designing a masterpiece. My life is not a game—it’s a God-ordained, grace filled adventure.

So to every woman reading this: You don’t have to shrink. You don’t have to choose. You don’t have to settle.

You can be a mother, a mogul, a wife, a warrior, a friend, a fighter, a nurturer, a leader, a legend.

Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re only allowed to be one thing.

It’s just that simple, but that also doesn’t mean that it’s easy– but it’s definitely possible.

You were made for “this AND that.”

And baby? You better believe I’m coming for all of it.