I saw this clip of T.I. on The Breakfast Club where they were trying to figure out which version of him was the real one. The family man? The street dude? The rapper? The ladies’ man? The activist? His answer was basically, “I’m all of it.” Now, T.I. said it with a little more seasoning than I can put on this website, but the point was clear: none of those versions canceled the others out.
I get that. I can teach Bible study and still be the woman in the room who will call racism exactly what it is. I can be married and still book a trip that does not include my husband. I can be a mother of three and have no plans to wait until they are grown to start living my own life. And yes, people still ask me, “Who has the kids?” Their daddy. Nobody asks him that when he leaves the house. We laugh about it, but that little question says a lot.
There are still so many quiet rules about what a good woman is supposed to look like. People love categories. They like knowing where to place you and what to expect from you once you get there. Be ambitious, but not too ambitious. Go after your dreams, but maybe wait until the kids are older. Speak up, but watch your tone. Serve everybody, but somehow never need anything yourself. When I say I’m all of it, I’m not bragging about how much I can carry. I’m talking about freedom. Freedom to be a wife without disappearing inside the marriage. Freedom to be a mother and still have dreams that belong to me. Freedom to love God without performing somebody else’s version of what a woman of faith should look like. Freedom to say no, change my mind, rest, go, stay, and decide for myself what a full life looks like.
And if I could hand one thing to my sisters, especially Black women, it would be that kind of freedom. Not permission to “do it all.” Freedom to decide what all even means for you.
That same range is what you’ll find here too. I may write about Scripture one week and racism the next. Marriage, motherhood, Black women, culture, something happening in Alabama, something that made me laugh, or something that irritated me enough to open my laptop. I happen to think Black women deserve that kind of range.
....But that’s just one Black woman’s opinion.
I saw this clip of T.I. on The Breakfast Club where they were trying to figure out which version of him was the real one. The family man? The street dude? The rapper? The ladies’ man? The activist? His answer was basically, “I’m all of it.” Now, T.I. said it with a little more seasoning than I can put on this website, but the point was clear: none of those versions canceled the others out.
I get that. I can teach Bible study and still be the woman in the room who will call racism exactly what it is. I can be married and still book a trip that does not include my husband. I can be a mother of three and have no plans to wait until they are grown to start living my own life. And yes, people still ask me, “Who has the kids?” Their daddy. Nobody asks him that when he leaves the house. We laugh about it, but that little question says a lot.
There are still so many quiet rules about what a good woman is supposed to look like. People love categories. They like knowing where to place you and what to expect from you once you get there. Be ambitious, but not too ambitious. Go after your dreams, but maybe wait until the kids are older. Speak up, but watch your tone. Serve everybody, but somehow never need anything yourself. When I say I’m all of it, I’m not bragging about how much I can carry. I’m talking about freedom. Freedom to be a wife without disappearing inside the marriage. Freedom to be a mother and still have dreams that belong to me. Freedom to love God without performing somebody else’s version of what a woman of faith should look like. Freedom to say no, change my mind, rest, go, stay, and decide for myself what a full life looks like.
And if I could hand one thing to my sisters, especially Black women, it would be that kind of freedom. Not permission to “do it all.” Freedom to decide what all even means for you.
That same range is what you’ll find here too. I may write about Scripture one week and racism the next. Marriage, motherhood, Black women, culture, something happening in Alabama, something that made me laugh, or something that irritated me enough to open my laptop. I happen to think Black women deserve that kind of range.
...But that’s just one Black woman’s opinion.